Resolution and Lent

This is the year of Control. It is so easy for life to get out of control and for chaos to take over. I've found a few places in my life that I can have power over with the hope of increasing my quality of life. So, I made a New Year's resolution as well as a commitment for the 40 days of Lent that I think I can actually achieve!

1) New Year (and hopefully every year thereafter): Don't chase the pain. Manage my pain level so it doesn't interfere with my marriage, my friendships, my hobbies, and general quality of life.

Lent: Get up at 5:30am EVERY day. 
Self denial - pushing myself out of bed instead of hitting snooze for another 90 minutes. Getting up early when I am NOT a morning person. Fasting from self-indulgence regarding morning snoozing. 

If I make myself get out of bed as soon as the alarm rings, and I do so between 5-6am, I can stay awake (mostly - still require 2-3 cups of black tea and some rest time, but noooo sleeping). I can be a responsible adult and get to work on time and perhaps get some more hours in the day, including nice ones with my husband who IS a morning person. 40 days of 5:30am might actually reset my internal clock for the better - including more restful sleep (more hours does not always equal more restful sleep for me). On the weekends, I can take naps; my hubby does anyway. Might as well join him and the cats.

Issues 1 and 2 are closely tied together. If I wait to wake up until a more reasonable hour during the work week, it is much harder to get up due to pain (snooze button to the rescue) and/or not hearing the alarm AT ALL(!). I am not sure what it is about those extra couple of hours that makes a difference?  Mind you, the pain is there even when I wake up at 5:30, but it is easier to have more power over it at that time. No clue why. But I do have to take my pain meds when I get up regardless of the time. Hmm, I hope that makes sense. When I let myself sleep on a day off, I will naturally wake up at ~8:30am, though it is soooo easy for me to sleep until noon or later! Ha ha!

Stu Garlicson

Not a real person or even thing - just words stuck in my head. :) 

It's 12:40 am and I can't sleep tonight. Don't know if it is because it's been a long day of a long week, stress, or the full-ish moon. Sleep is just beyond my reach despite plenty of snooze-inducing pills in my system and earplugs. So I write...

I tend to be my most prolific just before bed. Anyone else have that phenom? It's often nothing I can capture in writing, but the poetry is still there. 

So many things going on and several I can't yet say have been solidified. Living in a state of minor chaos and uncertainty but all stems from a place of love and striving for peace. I will let you know when I know. 

My sweet brother made a comment about my list of blogs I follow - along the lines of it being a reflection of where I am in the world these days. Wondering at the level of pain I express, etc. True, I do follow EDS and health-related blogs, but I have two primary reasons for doing so. 1) There are so many people who don't know about EDS and how much support and good information is out there. I see my list as a resource for those new to the idea of EDS, who are searching for anything that will help them understand what is going on in their lives. I list what I was looking for when I first got diagnosed. 2) I feel like I am an advocate for this bizarre syndrome that affects so many people in so many different ways. If you have it, you have to know about it to get the care you need. Maybe my collection will help someone somehow. A side benefit is that so many of these people are really interesting. :) 

I just noticed that I've been wearing a larger than usual caretaking hat lately. My husband is #1 for a variety of reasons I can't explain right now. My boss, as issues relate back to my husband that might have an impact on my work. A menagerie of cats... 

I have my lovey cat, Aubrie, two young sisters, Luna and Ruby, and a Siamese that doesn't live in the house but camps out at my back door. As for the cats, my husband can't stand the sight of Ruby because she doesn't have a tail. She is the one I'd choose between Luna and Ruby because she has a more submissive personality that suits Aubrie, she is interested in reaching out to Aubrie for play, and I adore her. Luna is beautiful, cuddly, trouble (she can open doors with latches), and doesn't understand that kitties don't go on kitchen counters. She is dominant and is more difficult around Aubrie, which stresses my baby out. I hope I can find a good home for Ruby in this sad state of animal abandonment and full foster homes. I'm trying to train the sisters so they will grow into good kitties. Both girls seem to have two layers of fur and Ruby has traits of manx in her. Makes me curious where some of their heritage came from.

The Siamese is back. She has a habit of coming by around 9am and after dark in the evening. In the mornings, she comes for food. Although someone put a flea collar on her and seems to have tried to take her in, looks like her bad temperament got her kicked out of that new home. She has a mean, defensive side, though she is pretty desperate for affection. She's clearly been neglected for a while - poor fur, long nails that look like they are becoming a problem, and so skinny you can see her ribs/spine. She is hand shy and the claws and teeth come out when she thinks you are too close or you try to give her food when she is super hungry. Don't know why I seem to be attracting all these cats lately. Hubby is NOT happy.

I'm avoiding talking about my husband and boss for now, but let's just say that I had to cancel the movers last week. 

Facebook is evil but I recently signed up for an account. I linked my blog to my space there so perhaps EDS and my followed blogs will get more attention. I've managed to find two lost cousins and some old friends. Lots of memories there. It's weird how FB works in that there are so many connections I didn't realize I could find. 

I would love to work a few hours less per week. There are many things I'd like to do with my time. Facebook kind of ties into my interest in geneology. I'd like to do more research into EDS and be able to share my thoughts on some scientific articles with you. Nevermind being able to have early dinners with hubs and catch up on emails/ phone calls, and other friend/family related stuff. Plus I just need some more time to sleep/rest. (funny considering my current state of sleeplessness)

Things are generally under control health wise. My slipped rib is getting better and only bugs me every few minutes rather than all the time. It's on its way to bye bye land.

I had a great evening with my younger kiddo. She came home from college for a day so we could go car shopping (her car is dying). Pops wasn't feeling well and went to bed early. Since K was staying over, she and I spent time eating ice cream, talking about life, and crocheting. Well, let's say that she was crocheting and I was making a mess. The cool thing is that she taught me how to do a basic crochet stitch, which I was doing completely wrong. It's fun when your kidlet wants to teach you stuff. 

I'm reading an interesting book that's been out a while, "Eats, Shoot and Leaves", and it usually calms me for bed. Not tonight. It's a really cool book on punctuation, funny to boot. I'm fascinated by editing right now. I've discovered it is something I am good at and enjoy doing. There are things I need to brush up on like proper use of colons. I primarily edit scientific stuff for work, which has its own style, making it a bit challenging to know what is proper for general writing. I, of course, don't pay much attention to punctuation when I am blogging or emailing. This phenomenon is changing puncuation and grammar usage, interestingly enough. I like the book also because the author talks about some of the history of various marks. Neato. 

Does anyone know where the phrase 'cool beans' came from? My dad says it and I find it coming out of my mouth on occasion when I get tired of the other words/phrases in common usage right now. Ha ha! I had to look it up. No wonder my dad uses this phrase often:

 http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cool%20beans

Looks like my battery is going to conk out before I do. Sigh. 

Thinking of: P, Barb, K, Angel, Kayla (bubble girl), grampa, my sis, JB in India, my boss (though I'd rather forget we have a grant due in the morning - oh, that's a few hours from now!), Dr. Yo, God, Aubrie, lilac lady, G, Dad, homes for kitties, sleeeeeeeep...

ttfn