I was reading Laurie Edward's blog "A Chronic Dose: A Chronic Illness Blog" and found her post "On Work and Chronic Illness". In the post, she links to an article that I then read and excerpted from below.
"Women who are sick find themselves in a triple bind: unable to excel at their career because they are sick; unable to take good care of their health because they are working; unable to quit because they need the health insurance they can get only through a job." From "Ill in a Day's Work" by Donna Jackson Nakazawa
Wow, did that thought hit home! I work in a job, not a career. I'd love to go back to school to get a teaching certificate and Master's degree in Intercultural Education. The economy is the primary reason I am not moving forward with classes part time, but the ultimate issue holding me back is can I do it? Classes are not the problem; I worry about the teaching internship and student teaching a whole class. Tutoring and small groups are more my style but gotta jump through the hoops first. Then inertia seems to take over when I am not feeling good -- everything seems overwhelming and the daily grind at ye ole desk job is something I can always fall back on (helps that my boss lets me sleep in or work from home sometimes).
Just thinking of leaving this job sets off tons of stress. Yet working full time is painful. I think I mentioned in a previous post that my productivity at work is ~20% these days. I don't think I'd qualify for disability but my quality of life definitely suffers because I don't get enough rest.
I carry our health and dental insurance through work. My love is self-employed and he pays the majority of the big bills. He used to have his own health insurance but it was so expensive and he could get on my work policy for peanuts. It's the least I can do to handle our insurance and try to keep the house from complete disaster (easier said than done!).
Ever get the feeling that life is a trap? This point is where I have to give to God and trust that I will be where I am needed most. Sigh...