Friday, October 2, 2009

Anxious and depressed

I've always struggled with severe anxiety and depression but have managed with meds and other coping mechanisms. I've been going through a tough time for the last few of weeks with a resurgence of "could care less" and wanting to hide under the covers and sleep all day.

Every year for the last 5+, I get a medication-resistant depression/anxiety spell that lasts from August - November. It is not SAD, as I don't have this messiness in the middle of winter. I started meds last year to work on treating this specific type of depression and it has helped dramatically until now (the end of September).

There are several factors that have changed in my life recently (last few months) that could easily contribute to my feelings.
1) my husband is living in another state for a job
2) I'm on a new med (switched from effexor to cymbalta)
3) I can't stand meat - I'm completely grossed out by it
4) I'm more sensitive (empathic) since switching meds (this issue went away with effexor)
5) two of my husband's immediate family members died during the summer and now my grandfather is dying

I am irritable, exhausted, unfocused, am not eating right (though I take my vitamins), don't sleep well (worse than usual), want to cry, don't want to do anything I don't have to (including waiting as long as possible to do laundry, food shopping, cleaning the house, and other essentials), and don't want to reach out to anyone. I've also been having horrible dreams this week.

The authors of a recently published letter (PDF is on the web site) in response to an article on depression symptoms, states that virtually every symptom described in the article is also present in EDS. Yes, there is a higher prevalence of depression and anxiety in people with chronic pain, as well as those with family members diagnosed with depression. I'm 90% sure I've inherited my EDS from both sides of my family, and those with the stronger EDS symptoms are the ones with worse depression (or vice versa - chicken and egg hypothesis).While the published letter gave me so much hope because the psychiatry field is hopefully going to recognize EDS some day, it doesn't help me in this moment.

I am super anxious about my medication. I sent my prescription to a mail-in service (NextRx) and have been given notice that the meds are in the mail. However, I am now officially out of meds as of today and it's Friday. I am freaking out about the possibility of going through the whole weekend without meds, if they are not in today's mail! I just called my Psych MD and found out she is not in the office on Fridays and will not be able to call in a script for only 4 days of meds until Monday. Those who take any long-term drugs like this know we can't just stop taking them. A co-worker suggested I call back and ask for the physician on call who might be able to help. The receptionist I originally got was basically treating me like "so what?" I don't think she's ever been on medication or else she would not have responded to me with such attitude.

I got an idea just now. I think I'll call my regular MD to see if she can call in meds for me! Ah, that would ease my mind. She knows I am not crazy and am not a drug-seeker.

Hopefully this depression will end soon. I haven't seen my husband in two weeks but he surprised me yesterday by telling me he is coming home tonight!

I am not a good diary keeper, but blogging seems to be helpful. It is a bit strange that I can put things out there to complete strangers. Thank you for listening.

May you have a bright and lovely day.


  1. Getting emergency meds of ANY kind is near impossible on the weekend. They expect you to know that you're going to have a medication emergency and call them during the week. I sure hope your meds arrived today so that you can enjoy your weekend.

  2. This suggestion may help as well. I keep a stock of emergency meds on hand. That means every time I refill an Rx, I immediately pull out three (3) days worth of pills and put them in one of the old container bottles and put all the emergency med container bottles in a ziploc bag labeled EMERGENCY MEDS. This is really meant for an evacuation emergency, but I use it for anytime we happen to unexpectedly run low on a particular med. This means that over a 6-month period, I end up having an 18 day supply of emergency meds, since I refill every month. Depending on how often you refill, you can adjust so that you're not pulling out too many meds too often or get rejected for refilling too early. But you get the idea. Plus you have a one-stop grab for meds in a true emergency!

    Also, I have an electronic to-do list with an item to "Check the Meds" on a weekly basis so that refills are done on a timely basis. Since I get all my meds locally I would have far less an issue than you, but you can still use this idea and help yourself avoid situations like this. Hope this helps!

  3. I don't have anything inspiring, insightful, or even intelligent to say... except for *HUGS* Great big squishy *HUGS*, and gentle.

  4. Oh I wish I would have read this eariler. But alas I was away from my computer for a while. I hope things are going well for you being a week removed from this post. I know it must have been so stressful worring about the meds and hopefully a solution was found for you. Depression is such a fickle emotion, and its really hard with how so many things in our lives feeds it. I have delt with my struggles and I still do daily, like you said the chronic pain really has a role in depression. Writting / Blogging is such a wonderful tool though, you can write things you would never speak out loud and in some way it just feels better that way. It is so hard to keep grounded sometimes we just have to remind ourselves to look at the little things that we are blessed with.

    Last night I wanted to get my son some popcorn at target, I was short a penny... I asked my cousin that I was with if she had one, she said no.. she had no change...a woman walking by said Oh I havbe a penny, here you go...its only a penny. Well its only a penny to her but I have been anxious and depressed about our finances for weeks, were broke and he turns 5 tomorrow, I had just enought to buy him one bionicle toy he wanted and with the change in my purse I was a penny short to buy him the popcorn and soda. So to her it was just a penny, to me it was saving me from shedding tears because, im not working right now because of pain, eds, im not providing more for my son, it was saving me from telling him yet again im sorry we cannot afford it and seeing his face frown and say, thats okay maybe next time mom...making me feel as big as a mouse...that woman and that penny blessed me with lifting the cloud of gloom and as small as it my be it was a gift a blessing.

    I try to focus on these things when I feel my "blues" getting the best of me. But then again somedays I feel like I just need to run in the mud and throw rocks at people. =)

    Well again I hope this finds you doing well, I will be sending happy thougts your way and i hope you got to enjoy some very happy loving time with your husband.

    Take Care